Dear Mr. Manning,
It has recently come to my attention that you are considering the Tennessee Titans as your next NFL home. Before you make that decision, please take a few minutes to read why I think that would be a mistake for both you and the Titans’ organization. First, while you seem like a really nice guy, playing the position of Quarterback in the National Football League takes a little more than niceness. We here in Nashville have been spoiled the past 6 years. We have seen what a true NFL quarterback should look like, and you sir, do not fit the part. Let’s take your “attention to detail” for starters. We all know, based on years of watching Vince Young, that knowing the playbook like it’s a part of your soul is very overrated. A great QB can just wing it and still get great results. I know you think that constant study and practice are the cornerstones of success, but we have been shown time and time again that calling the wrong play in the huddle and then throwing the ball 3 yards behind the running back are just as effective since they force everyone else on the team to play better. Your “extra-prepared” way only makes your teammates lazy and complacent. Same thing goes for your 65% career passing accuracy. All that does is turn your receivers into pampered and spoiled children. They expect every pass to hit them in stride, right on the numbers, which we all know is not nearly as character-building as having passes thrown 2 feet over your head like Kerry Collins was so adept at doing.
Look, your 11 Pro Bowl selections, your 5 First-team All-Pro selections, your 3 Second-team All-Pro selections, your 4 AP NFL MVP’s, your 6 AFC Player of the Year selections, your Super Bowl championship and MVP, your 2 AFC championship trophies, your record at being the fastest QB to reach 50,000 yards passing and the fastest to 4,000 completions, and your 7 years in a row of leading a team to at least 12 wins are all well and good. Those are big and complicated numbers. Probably too big and complicated for the folks of Tennessee to really understand. You see, we like things simple here in Nashville, and I am afraid that your style of football is too flashy. We have years of 8-8 records, non-existent passing games, and an all out commitment to being average. You are simply too fancy for us.
Thank you for your interest in our little franchise. You are a great guy, and I’m sure you are going to make some team very happy, but I hope you can understand why that team can’t be the Titans.